


nern et belegast (tales from the void)

by LadyNoir



Series: sí ar lúmessë ya firuvammë (now and at the hour of our death) [2]
Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Choice of the Peredhel, Developing Friendships, Enemies to Friends, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Families of Choice, Family Drama, Fate Worse Than Death, Gen, Hearing Voices, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Immortality, People Learning To Get Along, People have issues, Quests, Sort Of, The Valar Are Not Infallible, The Void, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Unlikely Places, You Have Been Warned, weird family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:14:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25928719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyNoir/pseuds/LadyNoir
Summary: Nobody ever thought about the Choice of the Peredhel having a consequence, after all, the souls of the Eldar were all tied to the fate of Arda, now if only Manwe had read the fine print.
Relationships: Celebrían/Elrond Peredhel, Maedhros | Maitimo/Original Female Character(s)
Series: sí ar lúmessë ya firuvammë (now and at the hour of our death) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1877392
Comments: 9
Kudos: 29





	1. amillë eruva lissëo (mother of divine grace).

It was several years after Alexandra had settled in Tirion as High Queen of the Noldor with Maedhros as High King that she heard the call for the first time. She had been walking around the palace since she was late for her weekly meeting with Itarillë and so she thought that she had been hearing things. It was faint at first, no more than a mere whisper of her name of a voice that she thought long gone. 

The second time it happened she had been in the middle of a meeting with Arafinwe, she had frozen in her seat scaring the golden haired elf. 

“Are you okay, Lady Alexandra?” Arafinwe asked softly. 

Alexandra shook her head and looked at Arafinwe, “did you hear that?” 

“Heard what?” Arafinwe looked at her with concern. 

Alexandra smiled at him, “sorry, I must be tired, I’m hearing voices.” 

“Voices? Is that normal for you?” Arafinwe asked curiously. 

Alexandra couldn’t help but to grin, “only when one is going senile, but I thought it was impossible for us, it’s nothing, let us finishing reviewing this so that Earwen doesn’t get mad at us.” 

Arafinwe chuckled, “You and Maitimo are coming for dinner tomorrow?” 

“We wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Alexandra assured him. 

The third time she heard the voice she had been visiting Elrond and Celebrian in Tol Eressëa. She had been drinking tea in their garden and she had heard the familiar voice calling her name. She froze and looked at Elrond as if he was a ghost. 

“Elros?” she whispered. 

“Amya, what’s wrong?” Elrond asked carefully. 

Alexandra blinked quickly and looked at Elrond, “Elros is in trouble.” 

Celebrian and Elrond exchanged worried glances as Alexandra’s agitation grew. 

“Amme, Elros died many ages ago,” Elrond said softly, holding Alexandra’s hands in his. 

Alexandra’s eyes filled with tears as she tightened her hold on Elrond’s hands. 

“I need to save him, he needs me,” she murmured, before she stood abruptly and let go of Elrond’s hands, “I must go.” 

“Go where?” asked Celebrian, as Elrond seemed to be paralized by his mother’s behaviour. 

Alexandra paused and looked at her daughter in law, her eyes softened for a moment, “I… West, I must go to the uttermost West.” 

“Amyl, you’re talking about the void,” Elrond told her. 

Alexandra looked at Elrond sadly, “it is where I must go, I can feel the call weighing heavily on my soul… I fear that if I don’t answer I might lose myself to grief and madness, I cannot go through that again.” 

She pulled Elrond into a hug, and then pressed a kiss to his cheek. 

“Promise me that you will come back,” Elrond said softly as he hugged her. 

“Morgoth himself wouldn’t be able to keep me from returning to my family,” she promised. 

Elrond let go of her and nodded, his eyes filled with unshed tears. 

“I will go to Tirion before departing, and I will tell Nelyo and Valaina about it, but know that I must go and that this is my path,” Alexandra told him, then she looked at Celebrian, “I will write to your mother, last I heard she and your father were visiting Oropher.” 

* * *

Alexandra returned to Tirion a week afterwards, the pull of the call stronger on her soul. Maedhros was troubled on her behalf, and Valaina was angry that her mother was going to undertake such a perilous journey, but they didn’t stop her, nor they tried to delay her as they could see the toll that the call was taking on her. 

“I love you, Aly,” Maedhros mumbled onto her hair. 

“I love you too, Mae,” she mumbled into the warm skin of his chest. 

“Tyelko left you several daggers this morning before he left, and Curvo polished your sword, Tyelpe was there of course,” Maedhros told her as he held her tightly against him. 

They were laying on their beds, their sweat covered bodies covered by a thin blanket, illuminated by the moonlight that filtered in through an opened window. 

“Thank them for me,” she said softly as she played with a lock of his hair. 

He pressed a slow kiss to her lips, “you come back to me, Aurelisse.” 

“I will,” she promised him and kissed him again.

* * *

Alexandra fixed the straps of her bag before she got on her horse, a horse that had been a gift from Arafinwe. She took one last look at Maedhros and Valaina who were standing in the courtyard of the palace, she offered them a sad smile before she spurred the horse and made her way out with a heavy heart. She didn’t linger in the settlements that she passed, few of the elves recognized her and she fenced their curiosity with questions of her own. As she went, she made one more stop before actually heading in the direction where she was going. 

The Fortress of Formenos stood imperiously on a tall hill, it had been rebuilt by Feanaro when he had been allowed to leave the Halls of Awaiting and the infamous Prince dwelt there with Nerdanel and often Carnistir and Ambarussa who liked to avoid the scenes of Tirion. Alexandra urged her horse up the familiar path and smiled when she spotted Nolofinwe and Feanaro sparring in the courtyard. Nolofinwe was another of the infamous inhabitants of the fortress since he and his brother seemed to have made their peace, Arafinwe visited often, but the golden ex-King preferred to dwell in Alqualonde with his wife nowadays. 

So Formenos had become a home for the Noldorin exiles, mostly followers of Feanaro and his sons who didn’t want to return to Tirion or remain in Tol-Eressea. Alexandra got off her horse and caught the attention of the sparring princes, Feanaro lowered his sword first and moved to greet her. 

“Lady Alexandra, I was not expecting you here,” he said as he took one of her hands and pressed a kiss to the back of it. 

“Lord Feanaro,” Alexandra smiled at him and then directed her smile at Nolofinwe, “Lord Nolofinwe.” 

“Lady Alexandra,” Nolofinwe greeted. 

“Will you join us for dinner, Lady Alexandra?” Feanaro asked. 

Alexandra looked up to the sky, it was already late in the afternoon, she smiled at Feanaro, “I suppose that if I do stay I can leave early in the morning. 

* * *

She was quickly led inside the fortress by the brothers, Nolofinwe left them quickly to inform Nerdanel and Anaire of their guest, while Feanaro led Alexandra to his forge so that she could retrieve the object that she was looking for. Feanaro asked her about her trip and the reason why she was undertaking such a dangerous quest, she smiled at him as he spoke. 

“There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do for my children, Lord Feanaro, you should know about that,” she told him softly as she followed him towards his forge. 

“Well, yes, but you also have Valaina and Elrond to think about and those two are actually alive, Alexandra,” Feanaro told her as he opened the door to his forge. 

“If you had lost one of your boys, as I did with Elros and you’ve suddenly heard his voice calling for you, wouldn’t you owe it to yourself to investigate whereas your child needs you or not?” she asked him. 

Feanaro frowned, he motioned for her to walk inside first, “I can see where you are coming from, however I’d be careful.” 

“I will be,” she told him. 

“Does Nelyo and Valaina, and Elrond and Tyelpe for that matter know about the extent of your trip? Also that Woodland King that established himself in the woods of Orome?” Feanaro asked her curiously. 

Alexandra laughed, “Thranduil, and well, not the complete extent of it, I haven’t told them that I am actually going to venture into the Void, they know I am going nearby.” 

“And the Valar? What do they think of this?” Feanaro asked as he rummaged through the forge. 

“I haven’t heard from them, and honestly I care little for what they think in this matter, this is my choice,” she told him. 

“Ah ha!” Feanaro said as he finally found what he was looking for, he turned to look at Alexandra, “I can appreciate your spirit, for it helps you fit well within this family, but for the sake of Nelyo and Valaina, I truly do hope that you know what you are doing,” his eerie grey eyes were piercing as he looked at her, “now, this compass, you called it when you explained it to me.” 

“Yes, the small arrow should always point North,” she said. 

Feanaro nodded at her and handed her the delicate contraption, an elven compass of his making, “it should not fail you.” 

“I trust that it will not, you made it after all,” Alexandra told him with a soft smile, “and it will help me find my way back home.” 

Feanaro smiled at her, “we will be waiting for you then.” 

* * *

Alexandra left the fortress as the sun rose in the east. Anaire and Nerdanel had somehow gotten several packs of lembas bread and two more waterskins for Alexandra, a thing that she took gratefully before she departed. She rode for five days before she reached the borders of Lorien, closest to the Halls of Awaiting that she had been since she finished her works with Namo and the Feanorions many years ago. She got off her horse and walked the remaining of the path pulling slightly on the reins. The borders of Lorien gleamed slightly under the light of the moon and the stars and Alexandra sighed as she realized that this was it. 

“Where I go now, you cannot follow,” she told her horse, patting its snout. 

She removed the reins and the saddle and then patted the horse again. 

“If you’d like to remain close I’d be thankful for it, but should you wish to, you can return to Tirion, I’m sure Mae would like to have you back in the stables,” she said before pressing a kiss to the horse. 

The horse neighed and pressed its snout to Alexandra’s face, “I bet Lord Irmo wouldn’t refuse to shelter you until I’m back, but you take care, okay?” 

It was the last she saw of her white mare, she grabbed her backpack and her sword and daggers and continued on through the forest that separated the Garden of Lorien and the Halls of Awaiting afoot. She slept underneath the mallorns, glad that her armor was flexible enough to be comfortable. Seven days later she reached the edge of the world, where the impossibly tall Walls of the World stood, the temperature had dropped significantly from the spring breeze that Tirion favored and now Alexandra felt as if she was walking in the middle of winter, sans the snow. 

She thought briefly about her quest, the call had been getting louder as she got closer to the Walls, and she knew in her heart that she wouldn’t be turning around from it. She looked around trying to find the Door of Night, there was a bridge, because of course there was a slim thing that was in width that allowed for one person at a time to cross, long enough that it connected the lands to the Door through the outer sea. A fine mist gave the entire place an eerie and dangerous look. 

“I guess this is it,” Alexandra said as she looked down to her compass, she was going West and she needed to remind herself that East was where she needed to return. 

Clutching the compass in her hand she walked across the bridge and into the unknown. 

* * *

The Door of the night was not really a door, but rather a vortex of extreme darkness that somehow managed to look swirly. Alexandra walked through, feeling as if someone had thrown a bucket of ice cold water over her head. The feeling came as it went, swiftly, and so she gave one last look at the compass, just to check that it was working and she trudged on. There was a path of a dusty color that tried too hard to be yellow. 

“Of course I’d end up following the yellow brick road,” Alexandra muttered to herself as she walked through the darkness. 

She walked for endless days, following the call and the pull on her soul, sleeping only when necessary as she didn’t trust the Void enough for it. She could only hope to find something, anything soon. 


	2. le linnon im tinúviel (to you I sing, nightingale)

The days seemed to stretch on forever as Alexandra walked through a misty fog. The only way she knew that she was on the right path was because of the compass that she kept on checking. The voices got louder and yet more distant as she walked and the temperature kept dropping, a sure sign that she had left the warmth of Aman behind. 

It was a strange feeling that reminded Alexandra of her days in Fangorn, back when she had decided to ‘find’ herself after losing Elros to his mortal choice. She couldn’t know for certain how many days had passed, time didn’t seem to run in the void, and Alexandra grew anxious as she walked aimlessly, feeling as if her mission had been nothing but folly. 

It was hard to describe the void, everything was dark and the only thing that shined was Alexandra herself as she walked through the mist. Things seemed to swirl around her the deeper she went and the voices that she still heard seemed to become clearer, now it was not only Elros that she heard, but the cries of children and a soft singing voice that reminded her of her dear Arwen. She hugged herself as she walked, despair sinking into her soul as she continued with her trek. 

It was many days later, almost when she was about to give up and turn around that she heard a voice clearer than all the others, an unknown voice, but clear through the mist, asking for help. Alexandra didn’t stop to think twice about the consequences of falling for a trap in the void of all places, not when this voice that she now heard was almost tangible. She ran through the misty forest that she found herself in, diverging from the yellow road in her attempt to find this person. 

Sliding down through a ravine, sword in hand, Alexandra leaped towards the monstruos figure, it took her awhile but she managed to behead what seemed to be a small horned beast that resembled much of an orc for Alexandra’s comfort, because if this beast was roaming then it possibly meant that there were more out there somewhere. She turned to see the source of the voice that she had heard. It was a woman, her hair black and messy but beautiful beyond any words that Alexandra could come up with. 

Alexandra extended a gloved hand towards the woman, the woman took it carefully as she directed her gaze towards Alexandra, and Alexandra couldn’t help but to gasp when she gazed into those familiar eyes. 

“Who are you?” Alexandra asked softly. 

“They called me Tinuviel, in life,” the woman said as she stood. 

Alexandra’s brain was quick to connect the dots, “Luthien?” she asked incredulously. 

Luthien nodded at her and let go of her hand, fixing the skirt of her ragged dress, “and you are?” 

“Alexandra,” Alexandra said as she sheathed her sword. 

“What is this place?” Luthien asked as they both looked around. 

“The void,” Alexandra told her, “beyond the doors of night, far away in the utmost west.”

Luthien hummed, Alexandra gave her a look and began to scale up the ravine, Luthien followed gracefully until they were both again at the top. Alexandra stood awkwardly next to Luthien. 

“Can you hear the voices?” Alexandra asked. 

Luthien frowned, “sometimes, others I am followed by more of the beasts that roam this place.” 

“So there are more of them?” Alexandra asked. 

“Did you just get here?” 

“No, I’ve been following the yellow road for days now, so far you’re the first person I’ve come across,” Alexadnra explained, as she pulled out her compass from her backpack. 

“Where did you come from, what is that?” Luthien asked as they both walked back towards the road. 

“This is a compass crafted by Curufinwe Feanaro that will guide me back out when I am done here, I come from Tirion,” Alexandra told Luthien. 

Luthien raised an eyebrow at her, “Tirion upon Tuna? The Noldori kingdom?” 

“That same one, my husband’s king,” Alexandra said. 

“I thought that Arafinwe’s wife was named Earwen,” Luthien mused out loud. 

Alexandra smiled, “she is, lovely woman, Arafinwe abdicated a couple of years ago, the crown went back to my husband, Nelyafinwe.” 

“Your husband is Maedhros One-Handed?” Luthien stopped walking completely and was staring at Alexandra with something akin to horror and disgust on her face. 

Alexandra rolled her eyes at Luthien, “He has two hands again now, and yes, he is my husband and High King of the Noldor, do you have any problem with that?” 

“The sons of Feanor are murderers, monsters,” Luthien spat. 

Alexandra stopped walking and rounded back on Luthien, sure she was a couple of inches shorter than the half-maia but she was not going to let herself be insulted or intimidated. 

“Listen well now, I know fully well the elf that I married, I am no stranger to his past deeds and the horror that his family brought upon other elves, that doesn’t mean that you get to judge him, not when you and your father’s foolish actions also brought ruin upon your family,” Alexandra said pointedly. 

“All that I did was for love,” Luthien defended herself. 

“Oh please, you were a full grown Elleth, you could have eloped with Beren, seek refuge with Finrod, but no, you had to decide to play into your father’s greed and get a bunch of people killed in the process, and what for? You died what? Twenty years after your quest? Was your ‘happily ever after worth it?” Alexandra continued to spew her venom. 

“You know nothing of it, you married a criminal, an elf that murdered his kin, his brother tried to marry me against my will, kept me a prisoner and then he murdered my son, led my grandsons to their deaths and your husband forced my grandaughter away from her sons, and then he took the babes, who knows what horrors he did to them,” Luthien spat back. 

“We loved them, Elrond and Elros were loved and cared for, I took them in as my own,” Alexandra said, her voice firm, “and Elwig could have ended up the entire problem if she had given back that stupid rock, instead she chose to keep it, the Feanorions were mad with grief by that point and most of their actions controlled by the oath.” 

“You defend the murder of hundreds of elves, refuges,” Luthien accused. 

“I do not! Nelyafinwe has always known where I stand in regards to his actions and he’s paid for them with his life, Namo wouldn’t have allowed him back in the world if he had been as troubled as he was back then,” Alexandra told her. 

Luthien was about to retort when something roared in the distance, she and Alexandra exchanged glances, the roar was louder and Alexandra barely had time to curse under her breath before a group of beasts descended on them. Alexandra unsheathed her sword quickly and managed to hand Luthien one of her daggers. The two fought back to back against the beasts, slicing away with practiced ease. 

They ended up surrounded by corpses and breathing heavily, Alexandra genuinely surprised by Luthien’s prowess. As they regained their breaths Luthien tried to hand Alexandra her dagger back. 

“Keep it,” Alexandra told her, “the last thing I need for you is to be unharmed if we run across another pack, and I won’t be the one to tell Elrond that his great grandmother died because I was petty.” 

Luthien huffed but pocketed the dagger, “so what now?” 

“Now you can stick with me and we’ll make it out of here once I find what I came for, although I warn you I won’t accept you slandering my husband,” Alexandra warned. 

Luthien huffed, “fine.” 

The two continued to walk along the yellow road that they had found again thanks to Alexandra’s compass. It was both awkward and tense at first, their small truce, but Alexandra had long since learned to accept the things she couldn’t change with grace. Alexandra found that Luthien, despite their initial disagreement, was not half bad company, sure if Alexandra could look past the heated glances that Luthien often threw her way. They didn’t need to be friends, not at all, they just needed to work together to survive the void and find whatever had been calling for Alexandra. 


End file.
